When Love Feels Like a Mirror: Letting Go of the Illusion By: Zaina Bent

There are some goodbyes that don’t come with slamming doors or loud fights.

Sometimes, the hardest goodbyes come quietly after months of trying to be understood by someone who never intended to hear you.

In my work as a therapist, I often sit across from clients who ask with teary eyes:

“Was it me?”

“Did I expect too much?”

“Was I wrong for needing more?”

The answer is almost always the same:

You weren’t asking for too much. You were asking the wrong person.

Narcissistic Traits Are Subtle — and Often Spiritual

People often assume narcissism is loud, boastful, or obviously abusive.

But in real life, it’s often the quiet manipulation that leaves the deepest wounds.

• The person who checks in “just to see if you’re okay” but disappears when you need emotional support.

• The one who “doesn’t like conflict” but avoids accountability entirely.

• The partner who says, “You’re too intense,” when you’re simply being honest.

These aren’t just communication issues. These are power imbalances, often rooted in fear, ego, and a deep resistance to emotional growth.

Why It Hurts So Deeply

When someone operates from a place of emotional control, every moment of tenderness becomes a transaction. You may find yourself constantly managing their reactions, tiptoeing around their triggers, and losing sight of your own needs.

You were never too much.

You were simply more than they were prepared to handle.

And when your truth becomes a threat instead of a bridge, that’s not love. That’s performance.

The Closure You Create Yourself

Sometimes we don’t get the apology.

Sometimes there’s no “I’m sorry I didn’t show up.”

And that’s when your healing begins.

Not because they finally saw you

but because you finally saw you.

You saw your softness as sacred.

You saw your boundaries as holy.

You saw your worth as non-negotiable.

You realized that your peace is not a punishment.

And your silence is not weakness, it’s protection.

For the Ones Still Waiting

If you’re holding space for someone who only comes when it’s convenient…

If your love feels more like a performance than a partnership…

If you’ve been called “too much” for simply asking to be met where you are…

Then this is your permission slip to let go.

Let go of the illusion.

Let go of the fantasy.

Let go of the hope that they’ll become who they never showed up as. It can be incredibly challenging to accept the reality of someone's true nature, especially when you have invested time and emotional energy into the relationship. You may find yourself clinging to the idea that they will eventually change, that they will transform into the person you envisioned or hoped they would be. This hope can often be rooted in your desire for a deeper connection, a longing for the potential you see in them, or even the love you feel for the person you wish they could become.

However, it is crucial to recognize that people often reveal their true selves through their actions and behaviors over time. If they have consistently demonstrated traits or habits that are contrary to your expectations or desires, it is essential to confront the possibility that they may never evolve into the person you wish them to be. Holding onto this hope can lead to disappointment, heartache, and a cycle of unfulfilled expectations that can drain your emotional well-being.

Instead of nurturing unrealistic expectations, consider the importance of accepting individuals as they are. This acceptance does not mean you have to settle for less than you deserve, nor does it imply that you should abandon your own needs and desires. Rather, it encourages you to focus on the reality of the situation, allowing you to make more informed decisions about your relationships. By letting go of the hope for change, you free yourself from the burden of disappointment and open the door to new opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment.

In doing so, you empower yourself to seek relationships that align more closely with your values and aspirations. You may find that by releasing this hope, you create space for healthier connections with those who genuinely embody the qualities you admire and desire in a partner. Ultimately, embracing the truth of who they are, rather than who you wish them to be, can lead to a more authentic and satisfying life experience.

And in that letting go, reclaim yourself.

You are not hard to love.

You’ve just outgrown people who treat intimacy like a weapon.

There is life after emotional confusion.

There is clarity after silence.

There is peace after narcissistic harm.

You are still here. Whole. Healing. And honest.

And that… is more than enough.